As a ‘mooah’ I constantly get asked – when i’m so close to people I can smell what they had for dinner last night – ‘Oh you’re so lucky to play with all this make up all day long’ and ‘Aw, you have such a great job, so easy I wish I could do it.’

EXCUSE ME PEOPLE?  I have dabbled in many a job type from retail to office work, from a gym to a law office and while what I do is by NO means the hardest job in the world, it’s certainly not the easiest (that’s taste testing Domino’s pizza…)

I absolutely love my job and really wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.  While I have my ups and my downs I know that this is what i’ll be doing until my sweet retirement (or until I win the lottery and buy Ibiza).

I currently work on a beauty counter in Debenhams and I can list for you hour by hour what I do but the main thing is I try to make women feel good about themselves.   If anyone is one of those ‘You don’t need make up to be beautiful, you’re beautiful on the inside, fuck mascara’ types then I would just leave now.  You give any woman a highlighter and watch as her eyes light up and go OOOH as she pops her cheekbone with it, I guarantee success.  Highlighters are like pizza (obsessed), even if it’s bad it is still a highlighter.

Anyway, I am miles off the point.  I serve people all day for. a. living.  Shouldn’t all people who work in retail receive a high honour or a medal?  It can be so difficult to break some customers into relaxing around beauty counters as they have an automatic instinct that I am going to be some snobby bitch who will make her feel bad if she doesn’t know what an eyelash curler is.  We are SO the opposite, seriously.  All we want to do is sit you down and teach you things.  To be honest, more often than not it’s customers who teach me things – there are some inspirational people out there.  We’re women (and men) and we all love a good gossip.  It’s amazing what total strangers will confide in you after only knowing you 10 minutes just because you’re doing her eye makeup for a night out.  Seriously, I found out that a lady’s husband was cheating on her with his assistant and she was laughing about it because of how much of a cliche it is.  Another woman told me about how she can’t have children and is scared to tell her husband.  A guy was in getting his makeup done because he didn’t want his parents seeing him do it in the house.  This is personal shit.  I tell you, people on beauty counters and in this industry are part time mooahs, part time psychiatrists.

It’s not all smooth sailing don’t get me wrong.  If one more person comes in to get their makeup done and shows me a picture of Kim Kardashian or Kylie fucking Jenner I may stand and scream.  You’re lips are never going to look like that because if I overdraw them anymore you’re lip line will touch your nose.

Personal pet peeve is when a customer is browsing the lipstick station and has close to 1000 colours up her arm, and when I ask what she is looking for the answer is ‘I’m looking for a sort of brownish, reddish nude that isn’t too pinky and has a blue tone through it.’  LADY, unless you have recently come from p3 art class I genuinely doubt you understand what a blue tone is or does or will actually do for you.  Furthermore, pick one. One.  I beg you.

As well as working on the counter I do work freelance too.  With working full time I can’t do many however, there is nothing I love more than doing wedding makeups.  It’s the hardest, easiest job I’ve ever had.  I never feel as much happiness as when I am in a hotel room with the bridal party, or in the family home.  I find it amazing that someone can bring me into one of the most special days of their lives and trust me with their bridal beauty.  The flowers smell amazing, there is champagne flowing with strawberries, mini frys or sausage baguettes being passed around mere hours before squeezing into bridal and bridesmaid dresses and family everywhere.

 

In the middle of all this love and adoration is ME.  I have a kit the size of the kitchen, I only have 20 minutes per face, I can’t remember what eye shadow I used in the trials, praying I have eyelash glue and this god damn bridesmaid is lecturing on how she does her contour?! Shut. UP.  The bride hired me to do your face the way she wanted, not the way that you read how it should be done in Heat Magazine 3 weeks ago.   Take a seat and drink your champagne while I do my job.

 

I have no idea where this blog post was headed but I’ve ranted enough about what I do for a living, this is a tiny portion of what I do.  Any other make up artists out there, get in touch and share your stories, what you love and what you absolutely hate!

As always, thank you for reading

Amy

@cosmeticsjunkiee xo