Before you jump straight to the comments section to compliment me about something, that is not why I am writing this post. I am not fishing for you to tell me that I’m pretty or that I look good for my size or anything like that. I am simply here to talk about why sometimes I can feel down on my size and why it’s hard knowing you’re the biggest girl at the party.
When I say party, I don’t literally mean a party. I don’t think I’ve been to a ‘party’ since I was 11. I’m talking about being in work, on a night out with friends or even just meeting someone for a coffee (I actually don’t drink coffee, but Hot Chocolate doesn’t have the same ring to it). I am so comfortable with the size I am, for those of you that don’t know me or have never seen me before I am a size 16, give or take a size.
Now, size 16. I know that that’s perhaps not very big and that there are women who are larger and there are women who are smaller. I’m just talking about this from my perspective.. I am confident and comfortable knowing that I am that size and have no immediate plans to change the size I am.
That being said, that’s my thought process right up until I am standing beside someone who is considerably skinnier than I am or is wearing a top I like but couldn’t wear because of my boobs or anything like that. It’s so easy for me to get myself down about how I look and I work so hard at building my confidence up so that it doesn’t get to me but every so often those thoughts creep in. It gets to the point where I will look around and I know I’m the biggest person there, which I’ll admit is a horrible mindset to have. I’ll sometimes decide not to go somewhere with a group of people because I know that I’ll be the biggest out of that group. I have toyed with the idea of not going on a night out this weekend because of the same thing. That same thought process of ‘oh my God, there are going to be photos of us together’ or ‘I don’t look as good in night out clothes as them.’ It’s not a nice way to feel – and yes, before any haters come and say ‘well of you don’t like feeling that way then go lose weight.’ I don’t want to lose weight. I am happy the way that I am. Usually I have the mindset of that ‘everyone is beautiful no matter what shape or size they are’ and do truly believe in that. Sometimes that mindset shifts when you’re standing in front of the mirror.
I want anyone reading this that has ever had a worry about their appearance, or thought they are bigger than they should be or are bigger or smaller than their friends that it is okay to have these thoughts. Just know, that it is true that everyone is beautiful no matter their size or shape, it’s okay to have the odd thought about your appearance but trust in yourself and wear your confidence with pride. Your confidence is the best thing that you could ever wear, no matter the size.
Do any of you ever feel this way or go through that mindset? I’d love to hear how you deal with it.